Age is Just a Number

What You Might Not Want to Know

Okay, I am biting on this one from Stephanie, who borrowed it from someone else, from someone else.....you get the idea.  It is rather revealing in a frightening kind of way.....

1. What kind of SOAP is in your bathtub right now?

Are we talking what kind left the ring? There are many types because I like variety...There is Dial or whatever name brand comes in a 52 pack from Costco, Sandalwood that I've used for about 25 years, some liquid kinds, again a Costco buy, and a couple from Vitamin Cottage....because, again, I like variety. Sue me.

2. Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?

Well, no, especially since the last one was really bad and very nearly ruined my craving for watermelon for eternity.

3. What would you change about your living room?

First, make it bigger than the 11x12 that it is. Second, have A WALL that you can actually put a couch up against. Third, more light; natural or manmade.

4. Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?

I don't know, I'll try to remember to check when I get home. We are hand-washers unless someone has a lazy streak and actually loads the thing up where typically they'll find dishes that we've been missing for a week or two - maybe dirty, maybe clean.

5. What is in your fridge?

Milk, apple and orange juice, yogurt, vegetables and fruit, tortillas and cheese, misc. condiments that range from mayo to beer - is that a condiment?

6. White or wheat bread?

Whole wheat, of course, usually homemade.

7. What is on top of your refrigerator?

Dust, plastic iced tea jug that was partially melted four years ago, but we still use it anyway. A giant bowl with misc. towels in it.

8. What color or design is on your shower curtain?

White cotton with tiny leaves embroidered on it.

9. How many plants are in your home?

8+ and most are 7' or taller.

10. Is your bed made right now?

Kinda. It just feels right to pull everything up to the pillows upon exiting. However, Loki, the Sphynx, unmakes it in his shuffling about to climb in during the day.

11. Comet or Soft Scrub?

Soft Scrub.

12. Is your closet organized?

Sorta, as in clothes hang on hangers and shoes are on the floor. Is that organized?

13. Can you describe your flashlight?

Very big and very heavy, two; one red, one blue. Doubles as weapons, or bats in a spontaneous game of baseball.

14. Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?

Both. Glass for foo foo drinks like milk or wine. Huge plastic for iced tea.

15. Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?

No, because it's cold out now and iced tea doesn't fit.

16. If you have a garage, is it cluttered?

Is this a trick question? Isn't that what garages are for? Since we combined two households, and then a third when my mom's house was emptied, life has never been simple. Yes, we park in the driveway where cars are supposed to be.

17. Curtains or blinds?

See #9 above. We have plants.

18. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Two, or more depending on my need to cover my head with another.

19. Do you sleep with any lights on at night?

Is this another trick question? It's nighttime for a reason - no sun, no lights.

20. How often do you vacuum?

I'm getting suspicious of a setup here. Twice a week is what has been stated in our code of chores. In reality it might be once a week, but then I've been known to forget that a week rolled around without my knowledge.

21. Standard toothbrush or electric?

Both. Does someone really want to know this about me?

22. What color is your toothbrush?

White and red, or green and white.

23. Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?

It's a thick, coarse hairy rug thing with faded leaves. It does not say "Welcome", however I have a Welcome "banner" on my door that I brought home from my mom's door at the nursing home the first time she was in hospice care and we were starting to disperse her personals - that was three years ago and she's graduated from hospice 3 times since.

24. What is in your oven right now?

Crumbs, a lightbulb, a cast iron skillet and two shelves.

25. Is there anything under your bed?

I think so. You mean I should actually go check?

26. Chore you hate doing the most?

Cleaning toilets and vacuuming - see post on the Quonset Hut idea.

27. What retro items are in your home?

Me.

28. Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?

Not unless you count our dining room table as a room. Otherwise a file cabinet exists elsewhere in the house, and a computer exists, yet, elsewhere elsewhere in the house. I don't think we're organized. I need help.

29. How many mirrors are in your home?

11 if you count two closets with mirrored doors, and a handheld used to make sure I don't leave the house with a part on the back of my head. Otherwise, we adopted a couple, again when my mom's house was cleaned out, that are etched and stuff and I think they're cool. I am not vain, really.

30. Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home?

Like I would answer this out loud? However, I will admit that we started a project of counting coinage from various jars around the house that appear to be adding up to a significant amount such that we can officially say: "This is money toward the Bread Baking School in Italy."

31. What color are your walls?

I let spouse-man pick and we have two shades of gold/yellow, and also green in a bedroom, and camel in another - that's "camel", not A camel.

32. Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?

See #13 above, and me and the Sphynx.

33. What does your home smell like right now?

Probably vanilla with a hint of new carpet.

34. Favorite candle scent?

Vanilla, and various sandalwoody type scents. Why? Are you shopping early for Christmas?

35. What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?

Spouse-man would say: "We can't get pickles around here." However, since I've heard that line about 943 times already I've stocked the fridge and pantry with a variety. He'd still say: "We can't get pickles around here."

36. What color is your favorite Bible?

Funky, irridescent light blue polka dot - The Message.

37. Ever been on your roof?

Um, yeah. See post from last year some time. I was not happy about it at all.

38. Do you own a stereo?

Yep, it was a guilt-gift from soon-to-be-ex-husband-who-found-an-older-woman 17 years ago. Still ticking.

39. How many TVs do you have?

2, one is another guilt-gift from soon-to-be-ex-husband-who-found-an-older-woman 17 years ago and it is like a 17" screen. We turned off cable in May and only watch movies on it. The other is a Target special I thought we needed in the bedroom - like a 13" screen - it is now in some other room unplugged.

40. How many house phones?

3, and we only get calls from Direct Capital who think I want to finance something from them - like 3 a day, or from some vacation place we've yelled at repeatedly to remove us from their call list, but they insist we've invited them in - like 4 a day.

41. Do you have a housekeeper?

That would be me. I am an unpaid volunteer.

42. What style do you decorate in?

Style? Am I supposed to have a style? If I had to narrow it down, the wood furniture looks mostly like "Mission". The accessories look mostly like "Mediterranean meets inherited junk, salted with homegrown artistic flair."

43. Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?

Solids. I am a fan of textures though.

44. Is there a smoke detector in your home?

Um, I think so, but I think it malfunctioned in some way and in a fit of reactionary irritation it was ripped off the ceiling and sits next to the cat bowls. Maybe I should check it.

45. In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip?

If I am the only one home, then Pets, purse, car keys and exterior back-up hard drive that has all kinds of digital photos on it. Otherwise, I sure would miss the books and music and a couple of my mom's paintings - that'd be the second trip.

Living on the Edge

My next house will be a Quonset Hut.      I don’t care what they say. In my old age I am really leaning toward function over fashion. My idea of spring cleaning will look something like this:

On a nice sunny day with gentle breezes, open up one end of the Hut, have one of those sliding floor thingies built in like they have in cat boxes for weenies, hook it up to a giant hydrolic slider, push a button and it slides all the furniture out one end, all in place – or how about something like the water/hydrolic ginormous bleacher moving thing at the old Mile High stadium? Bring in a 4000 psi, 5 gpm pressure washer and hose ‘er down. Let it air dry, slide the furniture back in and your done. Close up the doors on the end and bring out the BBQ.

I am tired of this vacuuming chore; trying to get all the nooks and crannies dust free, and the cobwebs; how many extension poles can one own anyway? Then there are all those little itty bitty dead critters; spiders and centipedes and such that dried up in the back of the drawer and jump out when you’ve accidentally dumped the entire contents on the kitchen floor in the middle of making dinner. Just think, there’d be no more attics where raccoons can take up residence…and leave behind their little presents. And maintenance free? Let me tell you – there won’t be any foundation settling, walls cracking here…. There won’t even be walls! Stainless steel room dividers: they won’t rust after a good powerwash. And consider the bathroom cleaning – just pull back the shower curtain, lift the toilet lid and let that 4000 psi baby go!

Yep, corrugated metal; just think of the lulling melody during a hail storm. Yet, you’d never have to shovel the roof for the next 3 foot snowfall. Landscaping would be a breeze – anything would look good! There’d be no new-construction-fights-over-shingle-color here, nope. And the money saved on siding, wow – I could build another Quonset for the car.

Forget just spring cleaning – this would take, what, an hour? Why not powerwash weekly?

You think I am not serious?

How to do a Road Trip

Any Questions?

New Shoes

They just make you want to go fast and turn on a dime don’t they? All shiney, and a new label that isn’t worn … you just breathe easier. Yep, we got four and they are made by Goodyear. Our car acts like it just got a tune up, she runs so well. New shoes - we’ll feel safe for the next 80,000 miles.

Oh! You thought I meant for MY feet. Well, I did just pop into Famous Footwear and find the cutest pair of end-of-summer sandals for $2.50. Yep, less than lunch. We’re all spinning on a dime.

Mowing On

Got over the Grrs.  There's nothing like physical activity to help you move on from your funk.   Yesterday I was doing this with hat on,  headphones wrapped around my ears (the kind that shuts out all else in life) iPod plugged in - and minus the seatbelt -  strapped into the rider mower.  No, my yard is not that big; I was mowing 14" of grass, aka weeds, along the drive at church.  And, no, riding a mower is not that big of a challenge physically, but at least I was out in the sunshine, breezes, great views of the front range and mosquitos. 

Here's a sample of my "Sing To" playlist - not definitive, just a sample:

My Maria - Brooks & Dunn

That Ain't No Way To Go - Brooks & Dunn

The Long Goodbye - Brooks & Dunn

Nothin' But The Taillights - Clint Black

Kiss This Thing Goodbye - Del Amitri

The Sad Café - The Eagles

Taking It All Too Hard - Genesis

Somebody Like You - Keith Urban

Celebrate Me Home - Kenny Loggins

Heaven - Los Lonely Boys

You Can't Resist It - Lyle Lovett

True Companion - Marc Cohn

If You're Gone - Matchbox Twenty

Holy - Nichole Nordeman

Water For The Wicked - Robbin Ford

Steady On - Shawn Colvin

The River Runs Slow - Sonia Dada

Woman In Chains - Tears For Fears

Your Love Oh Lord - Third Day

Agnus Dei / Worthy - Third Day

Thankfully the mower is loud - nobody can hear me belt out "How far is Heaven..."!

Homogenized in the USA

IHOP is buying Applebee’s. I know this because spouse-man got a subscription to the Wall Street Journal as a graduation gift, and he reads to me, or otherwise relays to me, interesting local and world news tidbits. Applebee’s set the standard for the what-is-now typical and standard restaurant: similar menu, similar seating setup, etc., and they were very successful, so successful that that is why everyone else copied them. But it became diluted, other restaurants changed with the times, but Applebee’s didn’t, so they drifted to the bottom and are now being bought out by IHOP.

It got me thinking about similar scenarios such as Ford buying up other car manufacturers (and, interestingly, selling them all off now) and I wonder just how diluted we will become before it all ends. Like just one giant grocery store chain - because Safeway bought Albertson's who had already bought Smiths and Piggly Wiggly - offering coupons for Pop-Tarts and Hamburger Helper, forcing the consumer to fit to their mold - you gotta eat Pop-Tarts or else you won’t get the discount! (I don’t see coupons for, say, organic green beans, what’s up with that?). How about one single, giant box, home improvement store named Lowe’s Depot, or maybe we’ll get memberships at Cost Club or SamsCo – who will buy who? (or is it Whom?) One giant chain Wal-Store. Is it a chain, then, if there is only one name to choose from? Maybe we’ll end up with Rite-greens in the end. We’ve already got Taco Bell and Pizza cohabitating; when will Macaroni Grill and Olive Garden share real estate – a little gastronomic courtyard called Macaroni Garden...

Then there is the symbol recognition marketing tactic. Think Nike. We just drove down the road and on the corner there was a giant lime green circle with the words next to it: Coming Soon! What is coming soon – the lime store? The lime green circle store? The polka-dot store in lime green only? I don’t know that symbol, so for them, they lose out because I don’t know what I am suppose to get ramped up about.

It troubles me, although I don’t lose sleep over it, that it is all becoming diminished, diluted and depreciating in character and personality. World economy, business and finance – and politics - are sooo not my bailiwick, and I don’t claim to have some sort of explanation other than it all seems to come down to whoever makes the most money in the end wins. Like Monopoly: Give me Park Place for $350 million, please.

Fun With Postcards

About 7 years ago a friend and I started a tradition of sending really dorky postcards to each other whenever we traveled. Actually she started it and I was a bit slow on the uptake, but I caught on. At first they’d stack up after I displayed them on the table for 3 weeks, then I figured out to just make a folder and collect them all in one place once I got the hang of the routine – it’s pretty thick at this point!

She travels to Washington State for 3 weeks every summer and I have yet to get a duplicate card. The most recent one was of a foo-foo lady walking a foo-foo poodle down a dirt path stating something about "mountain lion hunting" in whatever state it was from. We’ve gone through all the typical ones like the gigantic ear of corn sitting on a truck bed, or the huge mug of Queen Elizabeth on a card cut out to match her facial dimensions.

I go out of my way to go to the tacky souvenir shops in the out of the way places to find the really, really tacky card of , say, Galveston Beach with something advertising their tourist friendly beaches with oil slicks. And I especially had fun trying to find enough diversity on the small island of Saipan to average our one-a-day routine.

She is usually my faithful walking partner every Saturday morning, but something shifted in the universe and we’ve gotten out of that long time habit – it could have been the 3 feet of snow we had over the winter, I don’t know. In fact, I’ve been seriously thinking of sending a card from my house to hers since it has been so long since we’ve seen each other – 4 miles away. It has been a tradition that I have really come to appreciate and look forward to.

Any fun, weird or tacky traditions y’all might have?

Billy in The Box

The weekend before 9/11 I spent two days in a women's only fishing seminar.  Yep, fishing.  That was the year I started to realize age catching up with me - midlife crisis? - and wanted to start doing things I hadn't done yet.  Like learn to fish for reals. 

Okay, so I already, mostly knew how to fish since I was raised on a lake afterall - think cane pole, worms, bobbers and perch.  In this weekend extravaganza we were taught fly fishing, boat fishing, stream fishing, reel fishing... just about everything but cane poles and bobbers.  I even learned to make those intricate little flies and tie real knots.   This event was put on by Ladies, Let's Go Fishing.

So I won this door prize ....






No, not the really cool fishing rod, or the waders, but a Big Mouth Billy Bass.  What in the world will I do with a singing fish on my wall?  Don't Worry, Be Happy he sings, and tells me to Take Him to the River.  Ya, take him and toss him back in - like into the Platte.

So I regifted.   I wrapped him up and sent him to my brother for a birthday gift.   The dang thing came back about a year later ...  as a gift.   I stuffed him in my suitcase, transported him across the country and left him cleverly disguised in my brother's closet.  The dang thing came back again ... as a gift.  The box is getting a bit tattered and dog eared.   I stuffed him in my suitcase again and carried him across the planet to Saipan, and again left him secretly to be found after we left.   The box found its way to my doorstep last week 14 months later.   Oh it was clever -  it came from Iowa.   Iowa?  Who do I know in Iowa?   Clearly, No One.  Except my friend Billy.  Now how did it get from Saipan to Iowa?  This is a mystery I will never solve because we don't speak of The Fish.  He just shows up.   How do I get him back to Saipan?  This will take some thought and scheming.   Who do I know travelling that way, or even travelling close enough to drop it in the mail arriving from, say Yap?  But then there's the problem of the Post Office employees in Saipan.  They aren't the most reliable on the receiving end.  If they knew Billy was in the box... well the chain could be broken.   

Anybody going that way?  I'll provide stamps.

License Plates Need Love Too

We've been having run-ins with the law.  If there is one thing that triggers a giant shot of adrenaline, it is dealing with issues where I have apparently broken the law, bent it in some way undeliberately, or someone has deemed that I am not a law abiding or otherwise "good" citizen.   This can and has included traffic tickets, or lawyerly stuff initiated by The Mother.   Okay, so this time it's not lawyerly stuff initiated by previously mentioned person.   It is merely new tags for our license plates - but we're late, like - late after the one month grace period. 

In addition to that, though, I have apparently been responsible for our car in such a way that a ticket arrived by certified mail.   Adrenaline shot.   What DID I do wrong?   Since we both commute to downtown, we try darned hard to go at the same time when possible so that we can use the SUV HOV lanes.   But noowww, there is another lane for those willing to pay to gain 2.33 minutes in their commute by not using the regularly assigned lanes with the rest of the poor schmucks commuting on I-25 .   And the trick for real carpoolers such as us is to be in the right lane - literally - at the right time so that we don't get our picture taken and sent a $77 bill for being in the wrong lane - that's left - where single passenger people drive who pay up to $3.75 to drive 5 miles.  Apparently my vehicle was nabbed as it was crossing over into the correct lane for carpooling schmucks such as ourselves who thought we had another 4 seconds to switch.   For the record:   I was not driving.   After thinking about it for a day, I've decided to write the check and clear my brain of anymore stress rather than to wait for May 7th to pay another $20 in court costs to potentially talk to someone about something I've never done before to hopefully not pay the $77... after I've taken time off from work to do it.   My car afterall IS in the picture.

Back to the expired tags.   When the lady handed over the tags she said "put these on your plates when they are clean, dry and warm".  Now, when in the last 3 months have any of us experienced "clean" or "dry" or "warm" in any combination with regard to any exterior part of our cars?!  I am surprised she didn't use the word "safe" too, like we're talking about a poor lost puppy. 

I think I've just been issued orders by a government worker to drive to Mexico and spend enough time that it takes to give some TLC to my license plates in order to put my tags on.   Road trip!!

Doggone Cute

That's my girl!