Age is Just a Number

The Bungee is Getting Tight

Boing!

Spouse-man has been able to visit freely with his oldest for a while, now that she is out of The Mother’s house and on her own in college. It’s really a cool sight to see from my vantage point. I see The Mother Bungee getting taut; it looks more like a worn out old rope. It just might not snap back.



On one hand I can see The Mother has lost interest in this whole Mom/Competition thing – I’d like to think it’s because we offered up nothing for her to compete with. Also, I think she is ready for more "me time". So there’s been an interesting shift: erratic moments of Mommy Force Exertion mixed with a blatant sense of No Involvement. Maybe peri-menopause is creeping into her endocrine system.

Spouse-man made it sort of a mantra of sorts – just get through this time. He let go when his daughter disassociated herself at 16. He decided that if he was going to have a relationship with her, it would be when she chose it, not when The Mother chose it. What kind of step of Faith is that? It’s happening; she calls, they have breakfast, she tells him about stuff, or not, he gives her fatherly wisdom and there is no strife. It’s not all that simple, of course, but it sure is better than it was when she was 14, 15, 16…

She has expressed her desire to transfer to a college out of state. She hasn’t told The Mother yet. She expressed her anxiety in her words, "but mom pays for abc and xyz" (shocking, I know). I can hear the weight in that statement, I can feel the burn of the brand in her words – The Mother Bungee. Spouse-man said the most magical, empowering words I think any dad could have come up with.

He said, "So? Quit living someone else’s life."

Now I don’t know about how a 19 year old takes that, but hearing it now, at my age, with the knowledge of her life, her upbringing … I felt freedom. I felt freedom for her. I felt the priceless love her dad just extended to her in words. I felt hope for her. I felt how blessed she is to have her dad. I could almost sense her wheels turning in her head. She’ll need to process that – maybe for a day, maybe for a decade.

I have a sense that The Mother Bungee is starting to fray. Like in the movies, the dramatic scene where one cord snaps, it gains momentum and suddenly all the fibers are springing loose with a whipping sound and suddenly the ship breaks free. Wow, what a feeling! I hope this is the case for my step-daughter, not to soothe my ire with The Mother, but for her sake. Freedom to find her way without a price.

Where to Light the Fire

Addendum to yesterday's bloggy love post ....  I found spouse-man's blog, sitting quietly on the galaxy, undisturbed by posts or comments.  If you feel the urge to toss a lit match his way, here's the link:

Spouse-man

Call Me Old Fashioned....

Maybe it's good timing.  Yesterday I provided a link to the word Schadenfreude, which means, roughly, humor at other's expense. 

Rewind, or fast forward, whichever way you want to spin it, to last evening when my lovely stepdaughter came over.   She didn't want much for her birthday and what she did ask for was rather humble, amazingly, for a teenager.  She likes to color with crayons in coloring books, and loves stickers, so that's what The Mother gave her (at least what we know of it).  Yet, there's always something.  I suppose my idea of stickers and The Mother's idea of stickers are vastly unsimilar.

The selection included liquid filled Lips and X's and O's.   I don't get it.
 
The rest were of the It's Happy Bunny genre.  Yet again, since I must live under a rock, I'd never seen this particular brand before. 

It reeked of Schadenfreude.



I chuckled and winced simultaneously;  the wince won out.   I wish I had my own kid to do it differently.... sometimes.

Avoid Stupid Happiness.

Got Orange?

My sister, who recently found an early birthday present for me at a consignment shop, coyly asked if I wore much Orange.  What do you think?

No, this is not a staged photo. 

High School Music

I've been spoiled.  Having a professional musician in the family has forever more tuned my ear to the good stuff.  However, I am not too elitist to find myself at a high school band concert where my lovely 15 year old (as of Wednesday!) debued in the percussion section.   Looks like our drum lessons paid off.

I found entertainment with our new travel camera.  We shopped and compared, and went back and forth and scoured the budget and dived in to upgrade my little quick shooter (well, that's a myth; quick is not the word for it - rather point and shoot and wait till the turtle strolls by before I am able to shoot again).  From about 75 feet - say, mid-auditorium-away with no flash I snapped these:



Can you tell I am a brass fan?

That leaning tower of Pisa is looking better and better...

Wedding of the Year

Well, since it occured on December 28th, it was last year, and since it was the only wedding I attended, it had to have been the wedding of the year, but regardless of all that - it was a grand event.

Everywhere dotted about the event were little signs of Thank You to those of us attending.  For example homemade truffles packed in little boxes with a Thank You charm attached, or here the entire wedding party played a little something for us:

Or how about a little sense of adventure to guide us to our tables - individualized, handmade suitcases...



Really, how beautiful can a happy bride be, anyway?

Oklahoma City National Memorial

While visiting this fine city, admittedly I had completely forgotten about this event from the '90's, and certainly had not considered that there was a memorial in place.   So we visited.   First, it was cold - And windy.  Maybe I hadn't mentioned that about this time of year in Oklahoma. 

The Memorial is rather extradordinary once you wrap your brain around it, and geographically get your bearings.   We chose not to tour the Museum itself;  for one we weren't prepared for a $20 pp charge, and two we had a time factor to pay attention to.  Also, admittedly - and maybe this is hardhearted, but you're hearing me admit this right here and now - I don't do well with events or circumstances meant to deliberately tug my heartstrings in a graphical kind of way (baby shoes and burnt purses, for example) ... as a way to remember a horrible event.   We headed outdoors to walk around the grounds in the cold and wind.   There are two huge walls on either end of a reflecting pond which is a replacement for what used to be the through street. 

One wall is inscribed with "9:01" - before the event, and the other with "9:03" - after the event.  It is impressive, particularly at night with light shining through it. 

On the actual site of the destroyed building sit chairs representing each person who lost their life.    They too are lit up in the evening and it makes for a rather humble and innocent representation of this tragedy.  The foundation still stands, as well as the courtyard serving as the original entrance from street.  According to the local residents, the thunderous boom could be heard and felt over 5 miles from the site.

If you haven't already been here, put this on your to do list for the next time you find yourself in Oklahoma City.

note:  pictures taken from the internet as it was too cold to hold the camera still enough to take my own picture ... much less from a hundred feet in the air.   

Sooner State

Blog recess is over and it’s time to catch up.   In short, we traveled to Oklahoma on Christmas Eve and arrived home Sunday evening – or rather Monday morning;  today.   The trip was twofold:   Christmas with family and my nephew’s wedding.   Here’s how it worked:   My sister and family – said nephew’s mother – went to Oklahoma City from Montana to spend Christmas with my future new niece’s family where this wedding took place on the 28th.  We joined them.  Here’s the trip log.

Christmas Eve – drive to OK in 9 hours and 52 minutes exactly how Mapquest said to do.   We talked to Saipan on the road in the middle of Oklahoma.   How cool is that?   I can tell we are anticipated because we are getting status calls throughout the day.   It’s exciting.   My nephew is making handmade truffles.   I understand later what this 12 hour job of chocolate and frustration is for.   We arrive and eat really yummy dinner with lots of new people.   Crash to catch up on the 3 hours sleep from the night before.

Christmas Day – share gifts for over 5 hours – one.at.a.time. with an intermission for an airport run.   It must be a record.   The sun was going down.  Eat a yummy meal very late including a sample of the wedding champagne.   It’s cold and weather.com lied.

Dec 26 – Weather.com lied again.   It’s cold, it’s snowing and we cancel a drive to Tulsa to visit my oldest friend on the planet.   Instead, we are back in the mix for big wedding happenings and errands.   My nephew and his future wife have planned many, many details in their wedding to make it a truly special event.   The best man arrives and being Chinese, they proceed to make a grand dinner with 12-15 different dishes – I lost count, but they were all different from a similar dinner I experienced with them a few years ago.   He could open a restaurant that deserves white table cloths – oh wait, his parents already did.

Dec 27 – Rehearsal day!  It’s cold.   I can tell the bride is a bit stressed.   There is a buzz in the air.  The groom and bride are running around like mad people in different directions – yet still smiling.   They have the rest of us running around like mad people filling in the spots they can’t cover.   They rehearse, I watch.  The rehearsal luncheon is at a fabulous Italian restaurant.   There is an open house at the bride’s parent’s home with sleigh rides to view the neighborhood lights.   It’s cold, misting and snowing.   Weather.com didn’t even bother to come close.   We proceed with the open house, but the sleigh ride is cancelled by the company claiming we’ll all get sick if we go through with it.   The bride’s mom is highly disappointed.   I spotted a heartfelt pout.

Dec 28: Wedding Day! – We are caught up in helping with the final details of the wedding and drive all over with our little map running errands.   One good thing, being part of family, but not part of the wedding party – we get to miss out on the actual stress part of the deal.  We only get caught off guard a few times in needing to help out in timing, other than our own, for mismatch of errands, cars, and people.   Beautiful wedding, really fine reception and the day is done – no hitches ‘cept for my nephew and his new bride.

Dec 29 – Post wedding brunch for all the hangers on left in the city with all the leftovers, but not including Chinese - dang.   This took place at the local boat club, but it was – surprise – cold, so there wasn’t much hanging around outside to view the lake and boats.   We took in National Treasure after ($3.50 for a Matinee!) and headed up to Tulsa to visit my friend.

Dec 30 – after attempting to catch up on 16 years in an overnight visit we head to Denver 2 hours later than we planned.   This was not in Mapquest’s timing, rather inhibited by whiteout conditions and icy roads in Western Kansas under my steerage and I was completely wiped out 2 hours before we actually got home just after midnight.   You know it’s bad when someone passes you and fishtails in front of you, and when the truckers actually slow down and use their flashers - and when you miss a familiar exit near your own home from brain fry.   Home again, home again, jiggedy jig.

Around the World Underwater

Check out this link for some award winning underwater/diving photos.  These are friends of my scuba brother who are on a trip in Indonesia.    The first, of the Seahorse, is my favorite.

A New Kind of Thanksgiving

We tried something new this year and went out to eat - at an Italian restaurant.   We've tried all kinds of other ways to do Thanksgiving, not really settling on a tradition.  This is not to say we have not tried!

One of the unfortunate aspects of a screwy family dynamic is that, well, things get screwy.  Like three years ago when I slaved in the kitchen 'cause I thought that's what you're supposed to do.  The girls were to come over at 10 a.m. to spend the holiday at our house.   The Mother requested just two more hours - apparently The First Family was in town, then another hour, and they actually showed up a half hour after that.  I served up the feast to learn they'd just finished their meal at The Mother's.  Actually she has managed to have an effect on our holiday most times, such that 2 years ago, when we were driving away from her house with one of the kiddos - who immediately and unexpectedly requested to go back home the next morning, because yet again, the First Family was in town, spouse-man did a U-wee in the street and said something to the effect of  "I ain't dealing with this crap", dropped her off 45 seconds later and we went home to a very quiet day.

We've been orphans at friend's homes, spent it alone, cooked the whole gigantic meal between the two us, traveled to other states and it always feels like we're making it up new each year.  I don't feel very thankful with unfamiliarity each year at a time when I really crave familiarity.

So we went to Maggiano's for a little Italian flair and good leftovers.  Both girls joined us with a boyfriend in tow.  We figured it was uninterrupted because - yep - The Mother was at her important job.  Funny how her lack of presence even had a presence. 

As for our holiday, later this weekend I will cook the one thing that seems to find it's way into the diet around Thanksgiving; Wild Rice Soup, from a famous place in - where else - Minnesota.