It goes without saying that the hugest shopping day of the holidays was Friday. Having been deprived of that All American gene, it is against my principles to find myself in any store parking lot save for things related to food, shelter or gasoline. Having smugly proclaimed that, I found myself planning around two specific coupons and heading for two specific stores to shop. One store was Michael’s, and I imagined swarms of women having donned sweat pants and ponytails, fighting for parking spaces and packages of craft dough. I put on my breastplate of armor and helmet and went in … having showered, dressed deliberately and calmly proclaiming my distaste for this adventure, somehow I thought I was superior to the hoards of shopping crazed women. It wasn’t that horrible at the store and I only ran down one woman’s Achilles’ with my cart who belatedly left an errant foot in the aisle as she turned a corner. We smiled and apologized and I found a sense of peace knowing I could handle the rest of these seasoned shoppers. Feeling smug I moved on with a stupid grin. I heard 25 minutes later that I better get stamped if I didn’t think I could check out by 9 a.m. I thought this a bit odd since I was sure my coupon said I could shop at the sane hours of 8 til noon for my discount, however being an inexperienced post-Thanksgiving craft store shopper I realized that I don’t even read coupons right and that this one was for 6 a.m. to 9 a.m. – good thing I got there at the bright and early time of 8:30 – I was feeling quite proud!
I heard rumors of people getting out to shop at midnight, 4 a.m., 6 a.m. …. Completely beyond my comprehension. I’ve never even known someone who actually does this, so the population count has to be happening somewhere outside my circle. Oh, I forgot, The Mother does this – that’s why we could never be friends.
I scurried up to the counter to "get stamped" at 8:56 and stuck my hand out – after all, I am an experienced concert goer. The polite craft lady said, with an obvious knowing smirk - "Your coupon, I need to stamp your coupon." I felt rather humiliated, and slouched away to continue shopping. At the checkout "area", a little old lady with unnaturally colored hair claimed ignorance of the line system, which I felt proud that I had mastered, and I waived her in front of me. She felt compelled to carry on a conversation then and asked if I thought Christmas would be less this year. I told her I figured people would rally toward the end. After all, it is a financially principle-less mindset for the month of December isn’t it?
Store number two, coupon number two: Eddie Bauer Outlet - 30% off entire purchase. I can rationalize shopping here and feel more comfortable this time because I know this store, and it resembles a time of day that sane people make their way out. I came here solely for spouse-man and this picture explains it – every pair he owns, except for one, looks like this. 
Okay, okay, so I found a little something for myself. At this checkout line, another kind soul engaged in conversation. We discussed the aforementioned financially principle-less craziness and he suggested a Societal Dope Slap. He said I could use this phrase since I liked it so much, so here we are.
As I left this store I came up with the idea that maybe I shouldn’t spend any more per hour than I make per hour. Then got all confused with just how I’d ever buy a newer vehicle and abandoned the idea before I ran over somebody’s bumper thinking too hard. I called home to learn the homemade cinnamon rolls just left the oven and told them I could account for all my limbs and that I was comin’ in.
After spending 4 years working for the corporate office of a retailer, which required people at my level to "help" in the stores on Black Friday, I was looking forward to not only having the day off, but not having to go near a store. Then I saw the ad for dishes that I have been visiting at the store on sale from $139.00 for $49.99. This particular store opened at 4:00AM. Was I there? No, I rolled in at 8:15AM and left at 8:40AM with my new dishes! I got the last set! Woo! Hoo!
Posted by: Tulip Girl | Nov 25, 2007 at 09:16 AM
I am a Black Friday boycotter. I can't stand the crowds, the lines, the insanity. I feel claustrophobic before I even set foot in the first store. In fact, there is no time of year I hate more for shopping than the time between T-day and Christmas.
That said, I can see how Michael's would be a necessity. And Eddie Bauer. I was planning to make a smart-alecy comment about spouseman's pants issues, but I'll just leave it at, "Good thing you bought that guy some new pants!"
Posted by: Stephanie | Nov 25, 2007 at 10:56 AM