Midnite Latchkey Kid....Why?

After following Stephanie's escapades with her stepchildren's mother, I think often that I don't have much at all to complain about.  Sometimes though, it is a fine line.  The Mother generally does what she is supposed to:   provides Food (Pop Tarts and Hamburger Helper), Shelter (A house given to her - "here just take over the payments will ya?"), and Clothing (How much can a kid wear anyway?), mostly takes care of their health;  it could be worse, and generally spends some amount of time involved in their lives (read:   Mother Bungee).  However, I have noticed some degree of a sense of being done with this whole parenting thing and "I really need some me time" (yes, factoid), and an upsurge of career focus.  The youngest is 14, so she technically does still need a wee bit of guidance ... still.

Often it seems that we have some sort of curse on us (I've wondered if The Mother actually does have a voodoo doll over us...really) - like the time when we were honored with having a few of their friends over for a sleep over and it was the one time the pizza guy was not only 1.5 hours late, but really, no pizza ended up at our house after 2+ hours, everyone was starved and I scraped up something uninteresting from the pantry in a quick hurry.  We were not popular - the friends never came back.  Or, like this evening when I was to pick the 14 year old up from her practice at 5:30.  I arrived at 5:29 to find her sitting outside - having been finished for a 1/2 hour already, outside in the cold and dark. She showed me evidence that she'd called my cell phone numerous times with no evidence on mine.  We even tried her calling me right then and there, and still no ringy dingy on my end, fully charged bright screened cell phone, 2 feet from her.  There are too many of these weirdnesses for me to keep count, other than to shake my head that we don't seem to get a break.  And these things all go back to The Mother as evidence that we are screwballs, or confirm we are not worthy of respect or consideration.

Yet, in minutes as we were driving down the road, she tells me that she is excited to finally get to sleep tonite.  Of course I question why.  I am told that the silly dog - from last year (a yappy thing you pay alot of money for after you've driven out of state to retrieve it, buy rhinestone collars and put bows in its head - not me, The Mother), a brand new pup - of the same, had to sleep with her and they kept her awake.  Why sleep with her I wonder.  Because she was alone in the house...but her dog, the lab slept outside her door for protection.  Alone?  Overnight?  What?  Tell me more....

It seems because The Mother has all kinds of rotating shifts because of her important job, sometimes she works while normal people sleep.  In this case, stepdad is travelling somewhere, so my stepdaughter was alone in the house overnight.  Yep, she's capable.  Yet, she felt better with her big dog sleeping outside her door for comfort.  Why?  Her father lives one mile away.  And we don't live in a teepee.  We really have indoor plumbing, and it works.  Why must a kid be put in this position? Is it really worth it to keep your pride intact and your all important job in order to deny a father a chance to watch over his kid like normal people? When just the next night she comes over here anyway?  Why not just let her come over early?  This is coming from kids who were so scared at our house, with a big dog, at 9p.m. that they called their mother to our driveway to sit in her car until we came home.  Yeah, we tried the date night stuff, but stuff kept happening - sabotage?  Yep, we're flaky, we're screwballs.

I am learning though.  I didn't react.  I did ask her if she could ask next time to come to her dad's house, and expressed that while I was confident that she could handle being in the house alone, that she shouldn't be in that position. What's a stepmom to do? Worry, without the way to resolution, Love, without the bond.  It is our bane.

Comments

[Scott]

That reminds me of another parent who loved children who were not his and the sacrifice he made even when they were spitting in his face.

But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
Ro 5:8 TLB

[Stephanie]

"What's a stepmom to do? Worry, without the way to resolution, Love, without the bond. It is our bane."

It is, sometimes. But I know that when they grow up, they will recognize what it is that we did and realize that we loved them with all we had even though they weren't "ours".

Good for you for not reacting and just having that conversation with her so she knows the door is open next time. How sad for her that she felt like she couldn't just come the few blocks to spend the night instead of spending it scared and alone.

It's so sad that parents do that to their kids. Rotten.

[Spouseman]

I agree with Stephanie. Whether we grow up because of our upbringing or inspite of it, we grow up, and in so doing, learn why. As long as what we offer our kids is given with love and from our hearts, unconditionally, as Jesus loves us, they will know what you did for them, and they will love you for it.

[Tulip Girl]

Does the law allow a 14 year old to be left alone overnight?