Observing

After spending 7 lucky years of hurting and praying, praying and hurting, not necessarily in that order or consistency, experiencing exactly what Stephanie tells us about in her recent post about Trust, I am observing, and being open to a changing relationship between spouse-man and his oldest daughter. I have not yet healed from or built trust back, nor has he. It will take time.

A year ago when she got her driver’s license and car, she’d swing by our house in that newborn sense-of-freedom flurry, and we saw her more in that first month or two than we had in a year. She had a new boyfriend we didn’t meet until 6 months or so into it; earlier this year. We’ve watched her struggle with getting into college partly because of that "I want to do it myself" attitude, and partly because of The Mother’s lack of knowledge of anything pertaining to gaining knowledge. We’ve heard her say that she needs to "get out of that house" (The Mother’s) in frustration and in the same sentence tell us that she needs to "play the game" though because The Mother is going to "pay for" tuition. I’ve noticed – with detached faint joy - that she has called her dad somewhat frequently - more recently - in her efforts to get college information, and we’ve been severely dismayed by the fact that she wasn’t able to get her mother’s cooperation in obtaining financial aid – the cheap government kind. In the end, the end being actually getting herself settled into her dorm and starting classes, it appears that The Mother put her efforts into cosigning on a private loan with high interest…and the interest starts now thankyouverymuch. I won’t even go into other promises we’ve heard second-handed-ed our way that might make a head shake a little.

We were invited last evening to have dinner with her at her dorm/cafeteria where, she claimed, they serve pretty doggone-good food. And sure enough, the food wasn’t bad, and there was evidence that lunches and breakfasts were pretty good too. She has done pretty good for herself in that she works at the dorm which nets her free room and board. Amazing, free room and board, a loan for tuition and books – where DOES our child support go anyway? Yes, still. That aside, we visited for a whole 2+ hours. Yes, we sat down, met some of her friends, ate, had conversation, and I had hope. She is growing up and growing out of the clutches of her mother’s direct influence – to some degree. I have reservations, I admit, as she jumps when her mother calls her home to run an errand or fill in where she stops. I’ll bet as soon as school gets a bit busier those trips may decrease over time. When she gets older, molds her own life; not so many trips home. But she invited us over to eat and that’s cool. Spouse-man meets her after her class some days on his way to his. As we made our way to our car she looked back and asked if she’d see him tomorrow…That’s cool.

Comments

[Stephanie]

That IS cool. That gives me hope for our future. Maybe in a few years our kiddos will develop some wings and move beyond ED's clutches. Maybe then they'll have some realization, or at least just a desire to have a good relationship with us despite what ED thinks. Nice post. Enjoyed it thoroughly. I'm glad you guys had a nice evening with her. It's been a long time coming.

[Stephanie]

P.S. Thanks for the awesome e-mail yesterday. It healed my heart, raised my spirit, and adjusted my attitude, all at once. You're a good egg, D.

[Stephanie]

P.S. Thanks for the awesome e-mail yesterday. It healed my heart, raised my spirit, and adjusted my attitude, all at once. You're a good egg, D.

[Traci]

I agree with Stephanie. What an encouraging evening this must have been. It also gives me hope for the future with Son #1.

[carol ann]

I love God's timing! He knows better than we do and there are lessons in the process. Plus, there's ALWAYS hope - I am thrilled that you're benefiting from the HOPE - God is in the business of restoring - it's fun to see that happen in our lives. :-)